Sunday, September 25, 2011

Beautiful Things

I love the color orange....and these pumpkins are so beautiful.

I love this girl.....she is so beautiful.
Inside and out.
Everyday I am amazed at this blessing that was bestowed upon us.

Look at that sun shining itself towards my driveway.

A photo of Belle's last year as Guardian of the Christmas Tree.
I remember this was Christmas Eve......
it was so quiet and snowing and had a magical quality about it.
It was just Belle and I.
The rest of the house was sleeping soundly.
I knew in my heart this was her last Christmas.
It was precious and beautiful.

Just four days before Belle passed away our vet was at the house doing the annual checkups on the dogs and giving rabies shots. She felt Belle was better off not having the shot because of her age and declining health. We discussed the decision that would have to be made at some point.
It was her feeling that Belle was still happy to see us when we got home.
                                    She still ate her food and did not seem to be in any pain.
She felt that Belle still had joy in her life and I agreed with her.
Belle seemed to overhear us and decided to impart the message that today
she was still fully ALIVE and planned to stay that way.
During this discussion Belle took off down the driveway.
This was more exercise than she had in one year.
After her little jaunt she promptly got inside Lilly's frog tent and went to sleep.
She slept there for four hours.
The sun was shining down and it was that wonderful fall sun that never feels too hot but just soaks up into your bones. She stretched a few times and stood up only to turn around and change her position.
She seemed so contented and happy. She had just had a bath and all was well with her world.
Then four days later she had several strokes in the early morning hours and had to be put to sleep.
It has been nine days and our house still feels so empty without her.
Fifteen years is a very long time.
I have a feeling that I will miss her forever.
This pain is a sign that I am alive and I have known the joy of having a companion like Belle.
My children will never think of their childhood and not think of Belle.
I forget she is gone for a couple of hours and then I remember.
I feel the loss again.
There is even something beautiful about the way my heart aches for her.

My heart overflows with gratitude tonight.
For so many things...but here is the list for this one precious day.

Orange pumpkins bursting with all their pumpkiness
that just 4 months ago were teeny tiny seeds.

Our precious Lilly.

The setting sun reminding us that we have had the privilege to
live one more day on this incredible planet.

Memories of our best Christmas tree so far in the history of our family.
Seriously....I LOVED that tree.
A magical Christmas Eve with my family tucked in and safe all under one roof
with my sweet, sweet Belle making it all the more precious.
The little voice inside of me that said 'cherish this night, she won't be with you next Christmas'.
And cherish it I did.

Veternarians that come to your house and show compassion and love and
 tenderness and help you say goodbye.

And frog tents.

And the beautiful ache.

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