and when Joshua was learning to talk he said Dad-Dad instead of Grand Dad and the name stuck.
Nicknames and their stories are so sweet, aren't they?
My father has made a living with his hands.
He is super talented and can build anything.
His work ethic is impeccable.
I really love my Dad.
Lately I have been aware of how many friends have lost their fathers and it reminds me to be so grateful that I can call my father up anytime or drive for 10 minutes and see him in person.
There have been so many struggles in the past five years that I often wonder how I have kept my sanity. Many times I have thought that these are the days I will long for when my parents or in-laws pass away. I won't remember these times for their troubles I will say....
'oh, remember that time? that was when my dad was still alive' ...'
remember that day, that was when your mother was still with us.'
Just writing that brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat.
My memory will be kind to me.
I won't say remember that day my car did not pass inspection and I was freezing cold but refused to turn the heat on because the propane was so expensive and we were still managing (barely) two mortgages and I was sick of concrete floors and unfinished houses.
I won't say that. I will say.....
'remember when our family friend passed away and it was a beautiful day
and I called my father to make plans to meet him at the funeral
and he made plans to help us put some trim on our windows?
remember that day when my dad was still alive'
That will be what I remember.
Let us keep it in perspective today, okay?
Let us know that our troubles are blessings in disguise.
Let us remember that if we tossed all of our troubles into a pile
we would rush back to grab our own.
Let us know that this day is precious and fleeting and this life is temporary.
Sometimes when life gets you down and it's raining...again and you start to forget all the reasons to be grateful there is an easy and inexpensive cure.
Put your beautiful daughters in the car. Drive to your local A&W.
Pull up to the outdoor eating area. Stay in your car.
Push the button to call inside the restaurant.
Order three rootbeer floats.
Wait less then 10 minutes.
Pay the nice waitress.
And then the dilemma begins...do I drink the rootbeer or eat the ice cream?
All of your problems disappear as you ponder....
do I let the ice cream melt into the rootbeer making the whole thing some dreamy creamy milkshakey kind of heaven in a glass OR do I eat the ice cream with bits of crystallized rootbeer and then drink the remaining rootbeer? I personally love the crystallized rootbeer so I always choose option #2.
Look at that tiny hand in his....so safe and loved.
I remember this feeling as a little girl, so sure of my father's love for me.
What a gift we give to our children in even the simplest of moments.
Just to know that they are loved.
That they are enough just the way they are.
Recently Lilly asked me if I was proud of her for finishing her chores.
Of course I was but at the same time I thought to myself...here it starts...looking outide of herself for validation. To be told that she is enough and that it is connected to what she does.
And I am not saying that kids should not do chores.Just to be clear.
So, I said to her 'You did do a great job. It's important to pick up our things. But did you know that I love you just because you are you. I love you just the way you are. No matter what.'
She just smiled and hugged me with a little sparkle in her eye.
So that has got me thinking lately about 'enough'.
How often we don't think we are enough.
If you were totally honest with yourself, how many times a day is there a thought of not enoughness running through your mind. I am not thin enough, I didn't handle that situation with my child good enough, I wasn't a good enough listener to my friend/husband/mother....., I didn't clean the house enough, I didn't eat healthy enough, I didn't study enough, I didn't exercise enough......
The underlying theme to every single one of these thoughts is that I am not enough just the way I am.
When did that start?
When did I decide that my presence here on the planet at this precise moment in time was not enough. That I have to do more, be more, give more...to be validated...to be loved....to be enough.
I want to stop this self abuse.
It is making me exhausted.
How about you?
Have you had enough of thinking that you are not enough?
Say it with me.......I AM ENOUGH.
Think of somebody who loves you.....just as you are.
Can you love yourself like that?
Think of how much you are loved by the force that created you.
JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE HERE.
BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU.
I am enough. I am enough. I am enough. I am enough. I am enough.